Do you ever find yourself examining the myriad pieces that come together to make up your life, searching for meaning and trying to make sense of it all as you consider how all those pieces fit together?

If so, this poem is for you. 


Fragments of Self

Scattered pieces lie on the ground
Resting still without a sound
Yet in each piece, a tale to tell
Of laughter shared or tears that fell

Scattered pieces lie on the ground
Resting still without a sound
Yet in each piece, a tale to tell
Of laughter shared or tears that fell
 
Memories held of times gone by
Fearless acts with spirits high
An era passed, heart eager and bright
Brave bold steps on feet so light
 
Some pieces carry memories dark
Guilt and regret have left their mark
A thoughtless word, a selfish act
Secrets kept in a silent pact
 
Be it gestures cruel, or a tender touch
Be it holding back, or giving too much
Each scattered piece, a mirror to the soul
Fragments of self that shape the whole


Taken from Fragments of Self: A Constellation of Being

The information overload we're all dealing with has consequences not just for our mental and emotional health, but for our spiritual well-being as well. Much of the messaging around us pokes at our insecurities in order to sell a specific product or service as the proposed solution.

From the latest fitness trend to advice for personal branding, we're constantly being told that we need to be doing more. Amidst this steady pursuit of self-improvement, it’s easy to become distracted by outward appearances, and overly concerned with how you’re being viewed by others. Meanwhile on the inside, you feel drained, confused, and unfocused, pulled in different directions as your priorities become muddled. After a while, you start to experience a growing sense of disorientation, destabilization, and disturbance, an inner signal that you’re becoming spiritually disconnected.
 
A key step for staying grounded and focused spiritually is managing the information you take in; knowing when to take a break from social media or turn off devices altogether. Pausing the information flow creates space for reflection without all the external noise, so you can refocus spiritually in a meaningful way. Within that calmer, quieter space, here are seven ways to deepen and enrich the process of regaining spiritual strength and focus.

1. Connect with nature.

Most of us spend the vast majority of our time indoors, under artificial light, interacting with technology of some sort.  Getting outdoors and connecting with nature can do wonders for your spiritual well-being. 

Make the most of your time outdoors by taking things in with all of your senses.  Listen to the sounds around you — birds chirping, rustling leaves.  Observe the feeling of the wind against your skin.  Notice the blueness of the sky and the speed with which the clouds are moving.  
 
Can’t get out as much as you would like to?  Plants are a great way to bring a bit of nature inside. 


2. Do something creative.

Much of our time is spent adhering to schedules and performing tasks that need to get done.  There's nothing wrong with that; having a bit of structure and being productive feels pretty good for most people.  But after awhile, you can be left feeling stifled and out of touch spiritually.  Having a creative outlet can help. 
 
Music, writing, poetry, dance, painting, craftwork, woodworking, photography, gardening — finding that special activity that gets you "into the flow" can be a great way to nurture your spiritual side in a natural, intuitive, relaxing, and fun way.


3. Keep a dream journal.

Your dreams are an honest and genuine reflection of what you’re contending with at a deep level. They reveal whatever is churning around in your subconscious mind, capturing your deepest concerns, preoccupations, desires, fears, and emotions. 

This makes dream journaling an exciting way to become more spiritually aware. 
 
Don't worry if your dreams seem disjointed or nonsensical; simply record whatever stands out to you, particularly with respect to the sensations being evoked. Patterns and themes will eventually emerge that you wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. Over time, you’ll gain insight into your own inner workings.

4. Cultivate meaningful rituals.

Throughout the world, different cultures have recognized the value of rituals as a source of strength and comfort, and a means of nurturing spiritual awareness. It doesn’t have to be big or complicated. The nature of the ritual is far less important than the meaning you assign to it, so choose anything that’s meaningful to you.
 
Many people find rituals related to gratitude to be very rewarding. For instance, you might want to take some time every night to reflect on something you're grateful for, or something good that happened during the day.

 
5. Meditate.

Modern research affirms what people worldwide have known for centuries:  meditation has a powerful effect on body, mind, and spirit. Our minds are forced to deal with a steady influx of input from the world around us, on top of the continual flow of our own thoughts and mental activity. Taking some time to quiet your mind, even if just for 10 or 15 minutes a day, can do wonders for your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.


6. Reflect on synchronicities in your life.

We’ve all had them:  those situations, circumstances, or events in life that seem to be coincidence, but are filled with meaning and significance. As you stand back and look at what transpired, you can’t help but feel a sense of wonder and awe at how things came together. 

Reflecting on the synchronicities in your life can help you reconnect with your spiritual side, and build your faith that life consists of far more than what you’re able to observe in the moment. 


7. Mix things up.

Any of the above practices will help you nurture your spiritual side, but you don't have to limit yourself. Maybe you'll find that you prefer taking time to meditate while you're out connecting with nature. Perhaps you'll find that nature inspires your creative expression. Keeping a dream journal might become a special ritual for you and it might also connect to your reflection on the synchronicities in your life. 

Combining practices may be the secret to finding something that truly works for you.   
 
 
Conclusion.
 
There are no shortcuts to maintaining good spiritual health; it needs to be nurtured on an ongoing basis. It takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. Maintaining your spiritual strength and focus allows you to stay solid and grounded, clear on your priorities and certain of what really matters based on your own values and standards.

Helpful life hacks are everywhere — but are they really helpful?

The danger of the “hack mentality” is that it promises quick success without the investment of time and effort. But real success is rarely easy and rarely happens overnight.

So what’s the secret to making progress on the road to success, even when the way gets tough and you’re tempted to abandon your efforts? Instead of chasing shortcuts and hacks, focus on these three mindset shifts.

Mindset Shift 1: Accept That Success Requires Work

The promise of an easy shortcut is alluring, but real success of any kind always requires some kind of effort. The nature of that effort might change as your journey progresses, but it doesn’t go away. In fact, you might even find yourself facing new challenges and more pressure as you get further along. This isn’t something to shy away from; remember that you’re also growing and changing as you move forward, with each step preparing you for the one ahead.
 
You’re bound to have moments where you feel awkward, uncomfortable, nervous, or perhaps even a bit overwhelmed by the work required to achieve your goal, especially if you’re tackling something totally new where there’s a lot to learn and everything feels unfamiliar. Those moments are completely normal.

And those moments when you start doubting yourself? That’s normal too! Part of your work is pushing past all those momentary thoughts and feelings, by making a conscious decision about what you want to focus on. You’re actively training yourself to steer your thoughts and manage your feelings, and you get better at it with practice.
 
When you accept that success requires work, you stop wasting precious energy fretting about it, resisting it, or resenting it. The result is more energy for whatever you’re working on.

Mindset Shift 2: Accept That Success Takes Time

Whether you’re trying to learn a new skill, break a bad habit, become more organized, or lose weight and get into better shape, the reality is success takes time. Expecting immediate results isn’t realistic, and this mindset sets you up for disappointment, making it more likely that you’ll abandon your efforts early on.
 
It’s okay to measure your progress regularly (more on that in a moment), but don’t look for dramatic changes or major developments overnight. Accept that you’ll need to stay committed over the long term and adjust your expectations accordingly.
 
Whenever you have a long-term goal where the desired end seems far off, it’s easy for motivation to fade. To keep yourself focused and on track, set short-term targets so you can see yourself making progress, and give yourself permission to celebrate wins along the way, even small ones. Keep your eye on the prize, but don’t lose sight of where you started, how far you’ve come, and how much you’re accomplishing with every step.
 
When you accept that success takes time, the pressure eases, and patience takes the place of frustration. You give yourself the space to grow at a steady, sustainable pace.


Mindset Shift 3: Accept That You’ll Hit Plateaus

Everything is going well, and then it happens: your progress stalls. Maybe you’ve been watching what you eat and working out regularly, but your weight has been the same for weeks and the scale just won’t budge. Or perhaps that side hustle you’ve been working on is at a standstill. 

You’ve hit a plateau — and this can be one of the most difficult stages to get through on the road to success. After all, it’s hard to continue putting in time and effort when it appears as if nothing is happening. So, what should you do?
 
First of all, don’t panic! Plateaus are part of the journey with almost any endeavour, and they aren’t necessarily a sign you’re doing something wrong. Second, don’t lose focus. Stay on course — but stay flexible. Assess what’s working, what isn’t, where small adjustments might help, or if you need to change direction in some areas. And third, be patient. Plateaus often come just before a breakthrough; the challenge is holding on patiently until momentum returns.
 
When you accept that you’ll hit plateaus, you’re better able to assess the situation calmly, clearly, and objectively. It’s still discouraging at times, but this is when perseverance matters most.
 
 
Conclusion

A steady stream of tips, tricks, and hacks can almost make it seem as if success should come easily, with minimum effort, leading to skewed expectations and disappointment when things don't unfold as planned. The reality is that success of any kind always requires work, and time, and perseverance through the plateaus and other obstacles you’re bound to encounter along the way. Accept that reality, and you won’t need hacks — you’ll have a foundation in place and the mindset you need for real success.

The overthinking trap: you find yourself going back and forth endlessly, struggling to make an important decision (or perhaps even a not-so-important one). You weigh your options in hopes of identifying the best course of action, but you don't seem to be making any progress. Instead, you keep winding up right back where you started.
 
It's easy to start overthinking when you're aiming for a perfect decision that guarantees everything goes exactly as planned. But given the complexity of life with all its twists and turns, you never know when or how something unexpected might come along and throw things off. At the same time, decisions carry real consequences that can be far-reaching and long-lasting, so it’s worth investing time and care to make the best decisions possible. 

Here are five tips to help you find that healthy middle ground: sound decisions without falling into the trap of overthinking.

1. Gain clarity by writing things out.

Instead of ruminating over a decision endlessly in your head, gain clarity by getting things down on paper. The process of writing things down, and then being able to see everything laid out in writing, offers an alternative perspective which often leads to fresh insights.
 
Are you considering multiple options and struggling to determine which is best? Start by writing all the options down. Next, identify key criteria you know you need to take into account when making your decision, and rate each option based on those criteria. This breaks the overthinking loop by giving you something concrete to focus on. Bonus: rating the options helps you look at them more objectively. 

You might find that even though you gave a particular option the highest rating, you don’t feel completely at ease going with it. That’s okay! Explore things further by writing about how you feel and what your reservations are. Once again, the process of writing will keep you moving forward and making headway, so you don’t get stuck in that dreaded overthinking loop.


2. Revisit your beliefs and assumptions. 

Often when we're stuck spinning our wheels and overthinking, it's because we're being limited by beliefs and assumptions which aren't necessarily true. Those beliefs and assumptions act like constraints, preventing us from seeing a broader range of options and opportunities.

When you find yourself overthinking, try taking a step back and consider the underlying beliefs and assumptions you're operating by. For instance, notice where you're telling yourself, “I have to..." or “I can't..." or “That won't work..." or “That's not possible..." Ask yourself where those beliefs are coming from, and reassess whether those assumptions are valid. 

This one step has the power to shift the entire decision-making terrain, making it much easier for you to get unstuck and move forward.
 

3. Don't try to predict the future.

We've all heard the familiar adage look before you leap. It makes sense to take some time to look ahead before taking action, as doing so can help you avoid costly mistakes. But even with looking ahead, the fact remains: you can’t predict the future; everyone's life is filled with a few surprises. An essential part of getting through life is learning how to deal with these unexpected surprises when they come your way.
 
When faced with a decision, especially an important one, it’s tempting to want to look into the future and visualize how things will play out. But trying to envision every possible scenario imaginable almost always leads to overthinking.

Ultimately, all you can do is make the best decision you’re capable of based on the information you have to work with in the present. No matter what you decide, accept that you never know when or how you might get hit with a curve ball you didn’t see coming. Have faith in yourself that when the future arrives, you’ll find a way to deal with it.

4. Recognize when some fallout is inevitable.

Are you looking for an easy solution to a challenging situation?  Are you trying to please everyone around you in hopes you don’t ruffle any feathers?  Are you aiming for a tidy, happy ending even though deep down, you know that isn’t realistic under the circumstances? 
 
Life can be messy and complicated at times. That means there are bound to be occasions where any decision you make will have some negative consequences or fallout. For instance:

• Moving in a particular direction might require making some sacrifices.
• Pursuing a desired opportunity might mean closing the door on another one.
• Choosing the course of action you think is best might mean someone close to you is disappointed, hurt, or upset by your decision.
• Making certain changes in your life might not be well-received by people close to you, who would prefer that everything — including you — remain the same. 

 
Attempting to avoid the inevitable is one of the surest ways to fall into the trap of overthinking. Be honest with yourself and recognize when you do indeed know exactly what you need to do, but you’re reluctant to do it because it comes with a cost.


5. Get clear on your values.

One of the best ways to avoid overthinking is by getting clear on your values. Your values keep you grounded and serve as important guideposts as you navigate through the decision-making process.
 
If you’re struggling with overthinking as you try to make a decision, set the decision aside for a moment and focus on your values instead:

• What is most important to you?
• What do you prioritize above all else? 
• What are your non-negotiables?
• Where are your boundaries? 

 
Once you’re clear on your values, you’re no longer operating based on passing feelings, a whim, someone else’s wishes, or some other random element. You’ll be far less susceptible to overthinking and far more confident in arriving at a decision that aligns with who you are and your life as a whole. 


Conclusion

The aforementioned tips won't necessarily make decision-making easy. But they'll help you escape patterns of overthinking, while enabling you to have greater confidence and self-trust in how you manage the decision-making process.

Is change good, bad, or something else entirely?

Looking back on some of the major changes in your life, there were probably times when you welcomed change with open arms, eager to discover whatever lay ahead for you. There have likely been a few occasions when instead of welcoming change, you resisted and ran from it — even when you knew change of some sort was unavoidable or perhaps very much needed.
 
Part of what makes change so unnerving is its inherent unpredictability. Even a minor change in life can be an intense experience that destabilizes us and leaves us feeling disoriented. No matter how much you try to plan and prepare for it, change has the potential to wind up encompassing more than you bargained for.

The following excerpt vividly captures that intensity and that element of the unexpected which change inherently possesses:

The question of whether change is inherently good or bad is complicated, layered, nuanced, and multifaceted. It really isn't an either-or question, and framing it that way misses the mark right from the get-go, when there are so many angles to explore.

Reaping the Rewards of Deliberate Change

There’s undoubtedly a wonderful sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that comes when you reap the rewards of making a conscious and deliberate change in a specific area.

Consider, for example, that you’ve made a concerted effort to be more accommodating and accepting in your marriage. Instead of rushing in with criticism and correction every time your spouse expresses an opinion you disagree with, you strive to be more accepting of what you perceive as your spouse’s flawed reasoning. Even on those occasions where inwardly you’re convinced your view is the “right” one and your spouse is wrong, you recognize it’s not worth creating friction over petty issues that are of no real consequence.

Your relationship becomes more harmonious, there’s less nitpicking back and forth, and you appreciate the new and improved dynamic. You feel good about yourself for the deliberate change you made which had such a positive impact.

The Surprise Element of Change

There’s also the surprise element of change, as in you’re surprised to discover how you’ve changed over time. For instance, the emotion-fuelled, knee-jerk reaction you would normally have in response to behaviour you find disagreeable is replaced with a gentler, calmer response.

“How on earth could someone do that?!” has become, “Maybe there’s something going on behind the scenes I don’t know about.”

When and how did that change in attitude happen? It didn’t happen all at once, nor did it happen due to conscious or deliberate effort. Yet somehow, you’ve changed nonetheless; you’ve mellowed over time. A little less dogmatic and judgmental, a little more understanding and forgiving. The years have steadily been softening the rough edges, while sharpening your ability to perceive shades of grey where before you only saw stark black and white.


Conflict Between the Head and the Heart

What about conflict-between-head-and-heart kind of change? Something happens in your life and from your head, you’re able to explain it calmly and clearly. However, the condition of your heart is neither calm nor clear as you say to yourself or to others, “The relationship is over and there’s no way to salvage it,” or, “I wish I hadn’t been so thoughtless and shortsighted,” or, “The damage is irreparable.”

You’re shattered on the inside. The world seems shattered on the outside. You understand intellectually that reality has changed, but your heart hasn’t caught up yet. You’re in turmoil, agonizing as you try to make sense of this new reality you’re forced to deal with. You didn’t ask for change, but it happened; now you need to deal with it.

As you navigate the terrain of this new reality, you feel the strain and exhaustion as you work to reconcile the conflict that exists between your head and your heart. Far from wanting to embrace the change, you want to run as far away from it as you possibly can. But of course, you can’t run away from it, nor can you escape all the implications, ramifications, and consequences.

Change as a Summer Rain or Tidal Wave

No-one escapes change in life. Change washes over each and every one of us in some way, shape or form. At times, it arrives like a pleasant summer rain, dancing on the skin, reviving the senses, and leaving the air feeling fresher and cleaner.

Sometimes it’s the exhilarating feeling of being on a surfboard atop a big, powerful wave; a perfect moment where everything falls into place beautifully and there’s nowhere else in the world you would rather be.

Other times, it’s a violent tidal wave, forcing you to summon all the strength you have to hold yourself together, and you question—perhaps even doubt—whether you’ll make it out in one piece.


Friend or Foe?

Ultimately, change is a friend, lover, guide, mentor, trickster, tormentor, refresher, and liberator all rolled into one, revealing different sides at different times.

And yes, there are occasions when change appears before us as a threatening and fearsome foe, unwanted and unwelcome. Yet those occasions often turn out to be critical junctures that force us to wrestle with who we are, who we wish to be, and where we wish to go in life—sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally. The process may be messy, unpleasant, exhausting, and nerve-wracking as it unfolds, leaving some wounds and scars afterwards. At the same time, it can serve as the equivalent of an emotional, spiritual, or metaphysical veil being lifted, such that everything thereafter looks entirely different.

Change can make the tears flow until you’re convinced there can’t possibly be any tears left. Change can make you laugh hysterically due to the absurdity of the circumstances you find yourself in. Change can leave you in stunned disbelief and shock, barely able to comprehend what’s happening. Change can awaken something inside you that you didn’t even know was there, or reawaken something that had long been dormant. Change can bring an entire world into view that you never knew existed.

Change can unfold as a crazy, ridiculous, exciting, awful, fabulous, torturous, unbelievable, indescribable, wouldn’t-trade-it-for-anything-in-the-world mix of any or all of the above. And when it comes to those “wouldn’t-trade-it-for-anything-in-the-world” moments, anyone who has experienced such a moment will agree those are, without a doubt, some of the best moments in life.

People are always setting goals, but what happens when it's time to follow through on those goals? That's the stage where people often get stuck. Even with the best of intentions and a sincere effort, you might feel as if you're fighting an uphill battle as you struggle to see your goal through to completion. 
 
The inability to successfully reach a desired goal isn't just frustrating and disheartening. It can lead to a loss of confidence, making you shrink back from pursuing other goals in future. But what if the problem isn't you?  What if the problem isn't some inherent shortcoming on your part, but rather you simply haven't found the right approach for pursuing your goal?

When pursuing any goal, your starting place matters.

Regardless of the goal you're pursuing, your starting place matters. For example, imagine you've signed up for swimming lessons, but you're suffering from extreme anxiety due to a near-drowning incident you experienced as a child. With that frightening incident always being top of mind, merely stepping into the pool and standing in the water feels daunting.

With this as your starting place, you'll naturally need adequate time, along with extra patience and support, in order to feel comfortable and safe in the water. If you have an inexperienced or impatient swim instructor pushing you too far before you're ready, this could easily make matters worse. Instead of steadily progressing and gaining confidence, you might find find yourself becoming even more nervous and tense in the water. Rather than feeling hopeful and optimistic about your goal to learn how to swim, the struggle increases. Your goal seems even further out of reach than before, perhaps even impossible.

As we get caught up in the busyness of life and consumed with daily responsibilities, it’s easy to ignore those areas where things aren't quite right. We tackle our to-do lists and immerse ourselves in routine chores, meanwhile all those outstanding issues are alive and well in the background, subtly distracting us and leaving us preoccupied. Over time, we become increasingly dragged down by those issues, with our energy and joy slowly being depleted.

And oftentimes, it’s the little things that wind up having a big impact on us in this regard.

Bad Habits That You Feel Badly About

We all have our guilty pleasures that we’re more than comfortable with, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Similarly, we may be fully aware of an area in our life which we could potentially choose to work on, change, or improve, but we’re genuinely content to leave it as it is. Or perhaps we’ve identified an issue we’re dissatisfied with and we’re committed to addressing it, but we choose to put it on the back burner while we focus on other more pressing issues that require immediate attention. These scenarios all have their place as part of living a healthy, enjoyable, balanced life.

On the other hand, when an undesirable habit we wish we could do away with seems to be getting the better of us, it feels far from healthy and enjoyable. A situation like this affects your self-esteem, your confidence takes a hit, and you’re left feeling less than great about ourselves. Pushing the issue aside and ignoring it doesn’t really work, as it’s still there at the back of your mind nagging at you. At some point, that constant nagging at the back of your mind weighs on you and starts to drag you down.

Once you reach that stage where you feel badly about a habit in your life, it's time to deal with it. It might take considerable effort over time to overcome, perhaps with some setbacks along the way, but it’s worth it. Even before you reach your end goal, you’ll feel better about yourself for tackling things head on and putting in the work, and that healthy sense of pride inevitably leads to other gains.


Procrastination.

We've all found ourselves procrastinating at one time or another. We have something we know we need to do, and we just keep putting it off. We delay, postpone, and reschedule while making excuses to justify why we’re not attending to whatever it is we should be taking care of.

Outwardly, you’re focused on other activities. Inwardly, however, the issue you're ignoring is there in the back of your mind, poking, nudging, and nagging at you. This preoccupation can even wind up interfering with your concentration and detracting from whatever you're actively doing, ultimately compromising your ability to enjoy the present moment.

The solution to procrastination is action; you need to break through the inertia to get things moving forward. If there's something you're putting off, come up with a concrete plan to deal with it. If at all possible, schedule the task for a time when you know you'll be fresh and well-rested, rather than when you’re already worn out and mentally fatigued.

If it's a large task, make it less daunting by breaking it up into smaller chunks; and then focus on completing that very first chunk. Getting through that first chunk successfully will give you a sense of accomplishment, and you’ll have generated some momentum to help you follow through with the remainder of the task.


Regret over the past.

A fundamental aspect of life is making mistakes along the way. Some of these mistakes will be minor, some will be more serious. Some will have lasting consequences we can’t escape from. Whatever the impact of our mistakes, one fact remains constant: past actions cannot be undone.

When we become consumed with regret over the past, we do ourselves a huge disservice by allowing the past to cut in and steal from the present. The events of the past aren’t changed in any way, but that preoccupation and rumination robs us of joy, energy, clarity, and confidence in the present. It’s far more constructive to acknowledge the missteps, take responsibility for them, and learn from them. From there, you can leave the past behind and commit to doing better in future.

In practice, this typically requires a reassessment of beliefs, an alteration of thoughts, and a change in perspective, all of which require conscious effort and work. But it’s work that has an opening-up effect and leads to a healthier, brighter place, as opposed to the dark, shutting down effect endless regret has.

When you start to let go of the things that are dragging you down, the effects are far-reaching. You find yourself feeling clearer and sharper mentally. You feel renewed and recharged emotionally. Spiritually, you feel revived and more tuned-in. Physically, you feel lighter and more energized. And when this kind of change occurs inwardly, it has an uncanny way of setting the stage for positive changes and pleasant surprises to occur outwardly across all areas of your life.

Most people have no problem understanding intellectually that action is required to achieve their goals. However, they struggle with making the progression from "knowing" to actually "doing" in their lives. Day after day, they tell themselves they need to do something, yet they continue with their usual routine.  As a result, nothing happens and the desired achievement they want for eludes them.

Do you have a goal in mind that you've thought about pursuing, but you're struggling to take action and make that first move?  Or, do you find that your biggest hurdle is following through once you've started?

The following strategies will help you strengthen your resolve and build the necessary momentum to carry you forward once you get started.

Identify why you want to make changes and what you will gain.

When people think about pursuing a goal, particular one that involves change or a substantial effort, they often make the mistake of viewing the endeavour in a negative light.  They focus on how difficult it will be or how much they'll need to give up.

You can turn this around by identifying why you want to make changes and what you will gain.  Sure, changing your eating habits in order to lose weight will require some effort, and you might need to give up some old habits.  But think about how great it will feel to fit into your favourite pants again.  Imagine the added confidence of knowing you're taking care of yourself and increasing the likelihood of retaining your health and independence as you get older. Instead of focusing on the pain, focus on the gain.
 

Work some early wins into your plan.

Most goals aren't achieved overnight; they take time.  And if you're like most people, far-off, gradual gains won't always be enough to keep you focused, motivated, and energized in the present.  That's why it's so important to work some early wins into your plan. 

Choose anything that's meaningful for you; nothing is too small.  It could be replacing your afternoon junk food snack with something healthier like fruit a few days out of the week, or getting out for a walk a few times a week. If your ultimate goal is to do a thorough decluttering of your entire home, and early win might be going through one drawer and throwing out unneeded odds and ends. 

Celebrating these early wins will build your confidence and inspire you to push on to see how much more you can achieve.


Accept that setbacks are a normal part of the journey.

Everyone experiences setbacks from time to time; this is normal in any endeavour.  An occasional slip-up as you pursue your goals doesn't nullify all your past efforts up to that point, and there's no need to let it completely derail your plans and take you off your path going forward.

Resist the temptation to beat yourself up every time you slip-up or find yourself a little off track. Simply acknowledge what happened, refocus, and get back on track as quickly as you can.
 

Don't go it alone, get support.

A little bit of support can make all the difference in following through to achieve your goals.  Whether it's a family member, a friend, a group of peers tackling the same goal, or some form of professional support, the right support can help both as you're getting started and as you get further along. What matters is that you feel supported and encouraged in your efforts, regardless of what your starting point is and where you're at. 

Note that support may include challenging you at times to help you push past the obstacles and bring out your best. However, you should never feel attacked, condemned, belittled, or pushed in a way that feels disrespectful.  Ultimately, you should always be in charge of the steps you take and the choices you make.
 

Conclusion

Depending on where you're at, the prospect of change can feel extremely intimidating, making it hard to take that first step.  Always keep in mind that your yesterday does not have to define your tomorrow.  Regardless of what you've been doing (or not doing) up until now, you can make a decision to start doing things differently, in order to move forward in a new direction.

Your feelings are part of an amazing and powerful communication system designed to guide and protect you.  While you don't want to be trapped, controlled, or incapacitated by your feelings, you do want to be aware of them and cognizant of what you're experiencing at any given time.

That awareness enables you to assess what's going on in your life so you can choose how best to respond. 
 
As you strive to become more attuned to your feelings, here are seven feelings you should never ignore.

1.  You feel drained.
 
Are you suddenly feeling tired, drained, or exhausted?  If the answer is yes, take some time to reflect on why you're feeling this way.  Aside from factors like diet, sleep, physical activity, and physical health, situations in life and relationship dynamics can also impact our energy level.  Unhealthy situations and relationships can leave us feeling physically and emotionally drained, sometimes in a very dramatic way. 

Take note of your energy fluctuations and make an effort to pinpoint when and where your energy is being depleted.
 

2.  You feel burdened or a sense of heaviness.
 
Sometimes what we're feeling isn't so much a lack of energy, but a sense of heaviness or being burdened.  It's as if a weight is bearing down on us that we just can't seem to lift or shake off.  This feeling can arise from current circumstances in our lives, but it can also stem from issues we're carrying around from the past.  

If you find yourself feeling this way, try to narrow down where the feeling is coming from; and then commit to taking steps to address it.    
 

3.  You feel more tense or stressed than usual.

Stress is part of life, and it isn't necessarily harmful if you know how to manage it and keep it in check. 

But are you feeling more stressed than usual?  Are you experiencing more tension throughout your body than what you're accustomed to?  Sometimes we don't realize something is amiss in our lives until our body alerts us to it, through those feelings of heightened tension and stress. 

Take heed of what your body is alerting you to, and identify what it is that has you feeling more tense and stressed than usual.

4.  You feel conflicted.
 
Nothing is worse than feeling as if you're of two minds, being pulled in two different directions.  Before you know it, you're stuck in an endless loop going back and forth.

When you find yourself feeling this way, hit the pause button.  Avoid "either/or" thinking; instead, aim to be creative as you search for a solution.  When you're open and flexible, you make it easier for new ideas to emerge.  Talking things out with someone, brainstorming, and journaling are all useful tools that can help you view things from a fresh perspective.


5.  You feel pressured or coerced.
 
Sometimes we think we're pushing ourselves, when in fact we're actually being nudged, pushed, or carried along by someone else without fully realizing it.  When other people encourage or recommend that we pursue a certain course of action, we may be left feeling as if we don't have any other choice but to comply with their wishes. 

Even when there are consequences or repercussions for your choices, it's still up to you to make those choices.  If that right to choose is being taken away from you, or you're relinquishing it because you feel pressured or coerced in someway, that's a huge problem and something is seriously wrong.  Be honest with yourself about what's happening, and then take appropriate action to deal with the situation.  Seek outside input or support if you need to.
 

6.  You feel unhappy, joyless, miserable, or depressed.
 
For many of us, our initial impulse is to run from what we consider to be unpleasant feelings.  We hide from them, ignore them, push them down or try to cover them up — none of which is healthy. 

Instead, stand back and examine those feelings less with judgment, and more with curiosity.  Where are those feelings coming from?  Have the feelings emerged suddenly, or been growing over time?  What's been going on in your life recently that's feeding into those feelings? 

If you're willing to ask questions and be honest with yourself, you can track down where the feelings are coming from.  From there, you can start narrowing down what needs to happen in order to start turning things around.
 

7.  You feel a sense of fear, dread, or foreboding.

Far too often, we continue marching forward even though we feel a clear sense of fear, dread, or foreboding.  We're blessed with these feelings for a reason; they alert us that something going on around us isn't right. 

Once you stop and assess the situation, you can make a rational determination as to whether:

• your fear and apprehension are warranted
• you're overreacting and need to push past the feelings
• you need to change your perspective and reframe things
• you need to back away from a situation and get help 

Your feelings aren't just random signals or inconvenient intrusions; they're important messengers. Ignoring them disconnects you from yourself, whereas listening to them connects you more deeply to your intuition and well-being. When you learn to pay attention to your feelings instead of pushing them aside, they can draw your attention to what's going on beneath the surface, areas you've been neglecting, or issues you've been avoiding. With that awareness, you're better positioned to give yourself and your life the care and attention needed. 

“Do your own thing and stop caring about what others think."

You've likely read or heard the above sentiment at some point, if not many times. But is this sound advice? Do you benefit by living your life with no concern or regard for what other people think? 

Despite being well-intentioned, when taken at face value, this sentiment overlooks the reality of who we are as human beings, how we function, and what it takes to maintain healthy, harmonious relationships.

Caring about what others think is mature and healthy.

Caring about what others think is the sign of a mature, healthy mental and emotional state.  The capacity and willingness to care about what others are thinking, feeling, and experiencing is central to healthy relationships; this applies both at an individual and societal level. At the same time, worrying about what others think can interfere with your ability to express yourself truthfully, and prevent you from living your life as you would truly like to.  
 
As with so many things in life, the key lies in taking a nuanced approach and finding the right balance.  For most people, that balance does indeed encompass caring about what others think, but without being overly worried or controlled by what others think.
 
 
Caring about what others think vs. being controlled by what others think.

Have you ever gone along with something you didn't feel good about in order to please others and avoid conflict? Maybe it was something you knew was wrong; or perhaps it was something that went against your core values.  We find ourselves in an unhealthy and potentially dangerous place when we're so caught up in caring about about what others think, we're willing to dismiss our standards or violate our conscience. 
 
It's also possible to find yourself failing to do something you really want to do, out of fear it may disappoint, upset, or garner disapproval from people around you.  When you abandon deeply held dreams or passions to appease others, it leaves you feeling empty, discouraged, and dissatisfied.  You start to feel as if your very soul is fractured due to the sense of disharmony between who you really are and how you're living. 

At this point, you've gone well beyond simply caring about what others think; you're allowing yourself to be controlled and held captive by what others think.  This level of self-neglect might seem convenient in the short run as a way to keep the peace and not rock the boat, but it almost always leads anger, frustration, and deep resentment over time (all of which can wind up manifesting as depression). 

There's nothing wrong with considering others or meeting someone in the middle.

Relationships of all kinds are an ongoing dance of give and take, as we negotiate space, needs, and wants.  Selfishness, self-centredness, or self-absorption on either person's part won't build trust and intimacy, nor will it contribute to strong bonds.  On the contrary, it's likely to be damaging and destructive.

Considering others or meeting someone in the middle does not have to be synonymous with sacrificing your own needs or giving up your identity.  Provided the people around you aren't being selfish or unreasonable in their expectations, it's often possible to find a way to pursue your own agenda without alienating those around you if you're willing to exercise some creativity and a win-win mindset.

In fact, simply making it known that you do in fact care about what someone else thinks and feels makes a huge difference in situations where there seem to be conflicting interest or emotions are running high.  When someone knows their thoughts matter, that in itself is reassuring and validating.  This naturally contributes to a sense of safety and security, which in turn leads to decreased defensiveness and greater openness.
 
 
Caring about what others think still allows room for disagreement, truth, self-interest, and independence.
 
It's possible to care about what others think while still having occasional disagreements, speaking truthfully, pursuing your own interests, and maintaining a level of independence.  However, concern for others means you'll take the needs of others into account alongside your own needs (especially when they'll be directly impacted by your actions), and you'll navigate forward in a loving, thoughtful, and considerate way. In practical terms, this means you'll:

• disagree without attacking the other person
• express yourself without dismissing, insulting or ridiculing others
• look to fulfill your own interests while being mindful of the impact
  
• assert your independence while doing what you reasonably can where possible to limit hurting the people closest to you
  

The ability to engage this way is a sign of maturity and emotional intelligence.  It allows you to feel good about yourself and your decisions; and it contributes to stronger, healthier relationships.  The people around you might not always be pleased with your decisions and actions, but they'll know they matter, which makes a huge a difference.  And in cases where someone attempts to overstep with their demands or is otherwise being unreasonable, you'll have the clarity and confidence necessary to do whatever needs to be done.


Conclusion

Should you care what others think?  Absolutely!  It's all about striking the right balance between taking responsibility for yourself and your own interests, while maintaining a healthy consideration for the interests of others. 

Do you consider yourself to be a bit of a misfit?  If you answered yes, there have likely been countless times when you felt isolated, alone, and disconnected from other people. You may have found yourself thinking life would be so much easier and simpler if you could just be like all the folks around you.  

Not fitting in with everyone else can be challenging at times, but there's another side to it.  Misfits possess all kinds of unique and valuable traits.
 
Here are five great qualities to be found among the misfits of our world.  As you review each quality, think about how it shows up in your own life and shapes who you are.

1. You're a Thinker.

Most misfits are independent thinkers; on top of that, you think deeply.  You're not willing to blindly accept everything you're told from family, friends, the media, or society at large.  You're not lazy-minded; you analyze and assess things for yourself.  You invest time and effort thinking things through to determine whether or not it makes sense to you based on your own logic, reasoning, and values. 
 

2.  You're Honest.

Once you've had a chance to think something through, you're honest about your findings.  Does it hold up, or are there cracks and inconsistencies? 

As a misfit, your honesty fuels your personal integrity and keeps you in touch with your conscience.  This makes it near impossible for you to go along with something you don't genuinely agree with or feel good about.  As a result, there will be times when you don't fit in with the rest of the crowd as they go along with things.  This might make things difficult or awkward in the moment, but at least your conscience is clear.
 

3.  You're Spiritual.

Why are honesty, personal integrity, and a clear conscience so important to you?  It may be due to the fact you're deeply spiritual.  That doesn't mean you're rigid and dogmatic; or even that you necessarily adhere to a particular religion.

But inwardly, you're attuned to something bigger and more powerful than yourself that guides your actions and decisions.  You consider far more than just the short-term gratification to be gained when you make a decision.  You're capable of distinguishing between what's easy vs. what's best.  You experience your feelings, but you're not ruled by them.  Once you establish a moral code for yourself, you prioritize adhering to that code over fitting in with the crowd. 


4.  You're a Dot-Connector.

Why is it that something can be so obvious to you, yet no-one else around you is able to see it? 

While most people are focused on the biggest, loudest, flashiest, most urgent event happening right in front of them, you have the capacity to stand back and look at the big picture.  This enables you to acquire a different perspective from everyone else, and makes it much easier to connect all the dots.

At the same time, you're able to see all the places where things aren't adding up.  Meanwhile, what seems obvious to you often gets overlooked by others.
 

5.  You're a Rock and a Refuge for Others.

Lastly, while misfits might not always fit in with the crowd, they're often a rock and a refuge for others in times of need. 

When someone is experiencing intense emotional pain, they eventually reach a point where they can't ignore it or hide from it.  Reaching a point of despair and desperation can be a frightening and overwhelming. During such times, the qualities that make you a misfit are the very same qualities that make you the kind of person others want to lean on and confide in.  The depth of your thinking, your integrity, your spirituality, and your ability to see the big picture and connect the dots, all make you a faithful friend, a sound advisor, and trustworthy confidante. 

You're not flippant or dismissive, and you're able to go beyond offering empty platitudes.  You connect and empathize in a sincere and meaningful way.  You cut through the fog with your incisiveness and help illuminate the way with your insight. 
 

Conclusion: if you view yourself as a misfit and find yourself struggling or feeling discouraged, recognize your strengths and the amazing qualities you possess.  Be confident that simply by being yourself, you have something unique and incredibly valuable to share with others.

You're constantly making choices as you live your life each day.  You choose what to focus on and how to spend your time.  You choose who to spend time with and which relationships to invest in.  You choose your thoughts and responses to all the different situations and circumstances that come your way. 

Over time, the choices you engage in repeatedly become habits.  And those habits matter; they influence the trajectory of your life.


Habits Influence the Trajectory of Your Life
 
Your life reflects a collision of a multitude of factors.  Some of these factors can be anticipated and/or controlled; others are entirely beyond your control. 

Ultimately, your own personal habits play a significant role in determining the trajectory of your life and the outcomes you experience.  In light of that, it makes sense to cultivate solid habits that serve you well.  You want to cultivate habits that will bring about the kinds of outcomes you find desirable. 
 
Regardless of your goals and the outcomes you wish to achieve, the following five habits will improve your life and lead to greater well-being.
 

Habit #1:  Make your own decisions.

At one time or another, everyone has faced the experience of being pressured, swayed, or influenced in their decision-making.  While facing the negative consequences of a poor decision may be bad, nothing is worse than dealing with the fallout from a decision that wasn't even yours to begin with.
 
Strive to make your own decisions, based on your own values.  This forces you to develop your own convictions about the path you want to follow, enabling you to proceed wholeheartedly and confidently.  It also enables you to weather the impact if things don't turn out well, as you know you did what you truly believed in.   
 

Habit #2:  When you're knocked down, get back up as quickly as possible.
 
At some point in life, likely at many points, you’ll find yourself knocked down.  It could be a job loss, a relationship breakdown, a personal setback, the loss of someone close to you, or some other event.  Such events are inevitable, and they can be incredibly painful. 
 
When something happens that knocks you down, you need time to catch your breath and regain your bearings.  How much time?  That differs from person to person, and we all know you can't rush the process.  It's a balancing act; allow yourself adequate time to recover without setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, while at the same time aiming to get back up as quickly as you can. 

Why is this so important?  Issues can start to pile up while you're down, further draining you and making it even more difficult to get back up onto your feet again.  If you're finding it difficult to bounce back on your own, don't prolong things; seek out support.

Habit #3:  Identify the good people in your life and invest in those relationships.
 
Don't make the mistake of taking the good people in your life for granted.  Invest in these relationships, allowing the bonds to grow and strengthen over time.  You'll continue to meet new people in future, nothing can replace the understanding, trust and intimacy of close relationships nurtured over years. 

In times of distress, those deep, longstanding relationships can truly be a lifeline, providing the support and encouragement you need to push through.
 

Habit #4:  Identify the unhealthy or harmful relationships in your life and distance yourself from them.
 
Especially when you've had someone in your life for a long time and you're closely attached to them, it can be extremely difficult to separate yourself from them.  Even when you can clearly see yourself being dragged down, or dragged into situations you would rather not be in, you might still be reluctant to pull away. 
 
Challenges in close relationships are normal, and pushing through those challenges often makes the relationship even stronger.  However, if the entire tenor of a relationship is one of pain and distress, that's not normal or healthy.  If issues are ongoing (or worsening) with no possibility of improvement, that's a concern.  These kinds of relationships can hold you back, drain you, and wreak havoc in your life.
 
Know when it's time to distance yourself from the unhealthy or harmful relationships in your life.  Be honest with yourself about the detrimental impact the relationship is having on you and take action.  It may be difficult, but letting go could wind up being the best thing you can do for your emotional health and well-being.
 

Habit #5:  Think big-picture and long-term.
 
How many of our problems are due to the fact we were short-sighted; or acted impulsively without thinking things through?  As we look back, it becomes clear how many of our problems could have been avoided simply by pausing long enough to ask:  "What are the possible consequences of this decision?" 
 
Do you find yourself procrastinating and dragging your heels on something, or perhaps looking for a shortcut?  Are you about to make a poor decision because you're focused on one issue, to the exclusion of everything else?  Taking a moment to think about the big-picture and the long-term impact can help you shift your perspective and reassess your priorities.


Conclusion:  as you make choices every day, strive to make the kinds of choices that will lead to healthy, beneficial habits that steer your life in the right direction.

You're tired of how things are going in your life and ready for a change.  Maybe you want to eat better, exercise more, and lose weight.  Maybe you want to get more organized.  Maybe you want to improve an important relationship; or perhaps start a new one.  Maybe you're looking for more meaning in your life, and a purpose you can truly get excited about.
 
Whatever it is, you think about it constantly and even visualize it, yet nothing happens.  Nothing changes and each day feels just like the one before.  Meanwhile, you find your hope and enthusiasm gradually draining away. 

Engaging in the same actions will lead to the same outcomes.

Regardless of where you're at and what you're dealing with, change is possible!  But if you keep engaging in the same actions, you'll likely keep experiencing the same outcomes.  For change to take place in your life, you need to change something. ​

Consider baking a cake:  the same ingredients, in the same proportion, baked in the same pan, will yield the same outcome each and every time.  What will it take to bake something different?  You could add in a new ingredient, like some chopped nuts or blueberries.  You could change things up by switching to a muffin tray.

With just a small change, you can alter the finished product that comes out of the oven.  But you need to change something first.  Likewise, unless you change the “ingredients" you're bringing to your life every day, you'll continue to experience the same outcomes day after day, regardless of how badly you hope and wish for change.  

Introspection, reflection, and visualization are useful; these practices can help you clarify your values, priorities, and goals.  But ultimately, to produce different results in your life, you need to change something first.  Straightforward as this is, it's not always easy.  If you're discouraged, stuck in a rut, confused, or struggling with your confidence, change of any kind might seem difficult, frightening, or overwhelming. 
 

Growing and Developing Your “Change Muscles"
 
Like everything else in life, the ability to make changes when needed is a skill that can be learned and strengthened.  If your “change muscles" haven't received much use of late, they'll need some work to grow and develop.  Don't get down on yourself or beat yourself up over that!  The key is to scale things back to whatever is manageable for you, so you're able to take action.

​You wouldn't show up at the gym and immediately attempt to lift the heaviest weights.  You would start by selecting a manageable weight, something you could safely lift without injuring yourself, knowing that as your strength improves over time, you'll gradually be able to lift more. 

Similarly, if you want to get the ball rolling for changes in your life but you feel nervous or uncertain, start small.  Pick something you feel confident you can handle and use that to get things moving in the right direction.  Some areas to consider and explore:

• What's one action you can start doing immediately? 
• How can you change your environment so you're better positioned for the changes you want?
• What actions can you take within your existing relationships to move you toward the changes you want? 
• Is it time to reach out and build new relationships to help you bring about the changes you want?
• Are there new habits you need to build to achieve the changes you want?
• Are there things in your life you need to clear out to make space for change?

 

Shake things up and alter the trajectory you're on.

Perhaps you're unclear about what exactly you want the change in your life to look like.  Or, you might have a vision in mind, but you don't know what path to take to make that vision a reality.  Your starting place may simply be seeking out more information, in order to clarify what you want and the action needed to achieve it.  The key is taking action of some kind.  By doing so, you'll immediately start to shake things up and alter the trajectory you're on.
​
Even if you desperately desire change in your life, it can't happen if you continue to engage with life in the usual ways you're accustomed to.  For change to happen in your life, you need to make the move to change something.  Different actions and behaviours, no matter how small, will start moving you towards the changes you want.  You'll be pleasantly surprised by how quickly your “change muscles" start to grow!  
 

Image Credit #1 and #3:  Majaranda from Pixabay
Image Credit #2: Sofia Iivarinen from Pixabay 

Imagine someone coming away from a serious car crash with a major leg injury.  The crash itself might have only lasted a few seconds; the effects of the injury, however will last much longer.  Extensive rehabilitation will be needed over an extended period for the leg to fully heal and be restored to its original condition.  ​
 

Recovering from emotional injury and regaining full functionality takes time.

We readily accept that recovering from a physical injury and regaining full functionality takes time, work, and support, with a few challenges and setbacks along the way.  Yet we often struggle to accept that recovery from an emotional injury requires the same process.  We can be incredibly hard on ourselves, thinking we should be able to recover quickly and easily, all on our own.  

Or, perhaps you open up and share with someone in hopes of receiving support and empathy, but instead you're told you should “just get over it" and move on.  You're left feeling dismissed and diminished as a result.

Emotional injuries are as real as physical injuries.

​Emotional injuries are just as real as any physical injury you might experience.  The damage inflicted can be severe and far-reaching, with the impact reaching across multiple areas of your life.  That's why attempting to “just get over it" just doesn't work. 

Your self-esteem and sense of self-worth, your ability to navigate relationships, and your decision-making can all be compromised when your emotional state is debilitated and you're not operating with full functionality.  As with a physical injury, it's to be expected that healing and recovery will take time,
 

“Just Get Over It" Leads to Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

One of the dangers with the “just get over it" attitude, whether it's self-directed or coming from someone else, is that you may actually try to do it.  That is, you make a genuine effort to simply push your emotional problems aside, and you stop acknowledging what's really there and what's really going on.  

​But that doesn't mean the problems have gone away or been resolved.  On the contrary, you can wind up compounding your issues by resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms. 
​ 

​Key Takeaway

​However you choose to address your emotional injuries, the key takeaway is this:  don't bully yourself (or allow anyone else to bully you) into thinking your issues are trivial or irrelevant, and that you should be able to “just get over them" in the blink of an eye. 

Life is complex, people are complex, and the issues we face are often complex as well.  Is healing possible?  Absolutely.  The human spirit is a wonder, and people recover from the most extreme and traumatic of circumstances.  But dismissive comments like “just get over it" are not the solution.  Healing is a process that takes time, work, and the right support.


Image Credit​s:  fotoblend at Pixabay
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