When you hear the word assertive, do you envision someone who is loud, brash, aggressive, and overbearing? Do you equate assertiveness with selfishness and a lack of consideration for other people’s needs? ​If your understanding of assertiveness veers towards any of these images, you’re not alone.

In reality, however, none of that depicts what assertiveness truly is.
 
Assertive behaviour isn’t about being aggressive or overbearing.  Nor is it about being selfish and self-absorbed while trampling over other people and dismissing their needs. So what is assertive behaviour, and can it really have a positive impact on your relationships?
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“[S]he squeezed the mistrust away into a corner of her mind, and blocked it up there.”  From Charles Dickens' Our Mutual Friend
 
How many times have you been in a situation and sensed within yourself that something wasn't quite right? Your inner voice is there in the background, whispering to you gently but firmly. You get a noticeable gut feeling you can’t deny. Or perhaps you find your intuition speaking to you as if trying to convey a subtle warning. 

How many times have you dismissed that feeling and carried on anyways? And then afterwards, you find yourself saying, “I should have listened to that inner voice,” or "I should have followed my intuition," or "I should have gone with my gut."

You know the feeling. You have a decision to make and you're not sure what you should do. No matter how much you turn the situation over in your head, you can't figure out what's best. Your mind becomes muddled, confused, and overwhelmed; or you draw a complete blank. 

Here are five ways to untangle yourself from all the confusion, gain clarity, and activate forward motion when you're struggling to make a decision and the solution seems far off.

Do you ever find yourself examining the myriad pieces that come together to make up your life, searching for meaning and trying to make sense of it all as you consider how all those pieces fit together?

If so, this poem is for you. 


Fragments of Self

Scattered pieces lie on the ground
Resting still without a sound
Yet in each piece, a tale to tell
Of laughter shared or tears that fell

Your feelings are part of an amazing and powerful communication system designed to guide and protect you.  While you don't want to be trapped, controlled, or incapacitated by your feelings, you do want to be aware of them and cognizant of what you're experiencing at any given time.

That awareness enables you to assess what's going on in your life so you can choose how best to respond. 
 
As you strive to become more attuned to your feelings, here are seven feelings you should never ignore.

Imagine someone coming away from a serious car crash with a major leg injury.  The crash itself might have only lasted a few seconds; the effects of the injury, however will last much longer.  Extensive rehabilitation will be needed over an extended period for the leg to fully heal and be restored to its original condition.  ​
 

Recovering from emotional injury and regaining full functionality takes time.

We readily accept that recovering from a physical injury and regaining full functionality takes time, work, and support, with a few challenges and setbacks along the way.  Yet we often struggle to accept that recovery from an emotional injury requires the same process.  We can be incredibly hard on ourselves, thinking we should be able to recover quickly and easily, all on our own.  

Or, perhaps you open up and share with someone in hopes of receiving support and empathy, but instead you're told you should “just get over it" and move on.  You're left feeling dismissed and diminished as a result.